✪ Reflection! Is there a positive to dying? ✪ [Audio/Text]

[loyal_cube]

[Filtered from Gateau & Saburo]

I truely hope no one else is planning to do something foolish because of what happened on the 14th. There has been enough of that, and it's unnecessary. I'm alive, and healthy, thanks to the scientists. So, after this... should you do something foolish and get yourself in trouble... I will not forgive you! Those of you who already did... thank you, but please... never again. I don't understand why anything had to be done to begin with. I'm not even sure why Mister Saburo shot Gateau... I always thought Mister Saburo disliked me, if not hated me. Perhaps, he's more like a big brother then I thought... because at times I know he hates me but then... then he goes and does something like that. I just can't understand him at all when he-

Otherwise, I'll be home for a while. Thank you, Utena-chan, Anemone-chan, and Alpha-chan for visiting me at the hospital and Raphael-san for making dinner. You all spoil me too much.

Even if he's in the custody of the police... please continue to refrain from speaking about me in public, open channels, or in Gateau's presence.

Thank you.
--

[Locked|Text to Johnny Sfondi]
Can I come over or can you come visit? I don't care what we do or where we go. I really want your company .
--
[Locked|Text to Saburo]
I want to speak to you about the 14th. Preferably in private.
--
[Filtered|Text to Gateau]
You deserve so much worse then this, Gateau. You deserve worse then any god or demon can punish you for.
--
[Locked|Text to Dr. Eirin Yagokoro]
Are you allowed visitors? I'd like to visit you sometime, if you wouldn't mind my company.
--
[Private|Text (tl;dr = whining)]
I can't believe I was dead. I felt myself dying... but here I am. I'm happy to be back... I keep telling everyone it was a nightmare but it was worse then that. I don't want everyone to worry... although I feel alone in not saying anything at all. It's hard to sleep at night. I can't escape it when it flashes back to me. It comes to me at the most random of times, too. Perhaps it's a warning, then. Experiencing what the Mistress could have gone through if I wasn't there to stop him all those times.
I wish it'd go away. I want to forget it. I want the memories to be lost like Japan. I want to remember what Japan was like, not dying. I want to switch them. I want to forget the sound of those cursed bells and that crooked face. I don't want to remember. Please go away.

To be awake again, after that.... I'm not sure what to think. All I can think of is how cowardly I acted in that situation. I regret it. I hate knowing that I enjoyed any part of dying but I never felt so relaxed before. I can't believe I thought that way. Almost accepting Saburo-sans bullet... I'm not as strong as I thought I was. To give in like that... is terrible.

Alpha, Oneesan, has been so nice to me... keeping me company and doing just about everything for me. I feel like a bother, though. It doesn't feel right. Oneesan and Mister Raphael have been so helpful and caring... I could never tell them how uncomfortable it makes me. I try to act like nothing happened... but...

At least the bed is a nice change. I wish the apartment was a little larger so we could all have beds... I'd look for a new one but I ... Johnny lives close by... although that is a poor excuse.

I wonder if dying means I get a new purpose? I have a feeling I'll have to look for something, just like those born without one.

I don't even know what to do. I never know what to do these days. Messing things up is all I seem to do anymore... what's worse... is I think I'm becoming quite skilled in it.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with this life.
--

((OOC: Strikes were said but deleted from text. So, if you understand Japanese, you heard everything in strikes... unless you're Saburo or Gateau, of course.))

Comments

[Filtered]

[to-blossom.livejournal.com]

I'll say... I think it's about time that we put these sad memories behind us. Things like revenge will only bring them back, huh? I never thought I'd see something like that here.

Pretty mature of you, Cube-kun.

[She laughs] What's wrong with that? ...Hm. But you're welcome.

[Filtered]

[loyal_cube]

Revenge? I do not wish for revenge... only strength to protect those I care about.
[He blinks a few times, confused]
M-Mature? ... Are you implying I'm childish, Utena-chan?

[Fidgeting]
N-Nothing is wrong.... I'm just not used to being served. "It's better to serve then to be served!"

[Filtered]

[to-blossom.livejournal.com]

I mean for the ones who would plan on doing anything foolish. Not you.
Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't see you doing something that mean-spirited.

Eh? N-no... not really. Did it sound like that? [(Maybe a little because of that appearance.)] Though... most adults aren't even that mature in this place. You have to remember that.

Ah... I see.

[Filtered]

[loyal_cube]

Utena-chan...

I am an adult...

[Filtered]

[to-blossom.livejournal.com]

[. . .]

I messed up, huh?

[latteheart.livejournal.com]

[Alpha speaks Japanese so I guess she heard everything...but she's just going to smile and ignore it. Hooray for avoiding difficult subjects!]

Hee...you keep saying thank you, but it's really more for my enjoyment than yours~ I like spoiling Cube-kun!

[loyal_cube]

[And he will be forever oblivious]

W-Whhhyy?! I'm not supposed to be this spoiled-or spoiled at all!!

[latteheart.livejournal.com]

[She's doing this on purpose, just so you know.]

Oh~? But it's so fun for me to see Cube-kun's adorable face when he says 'no~'

[loyal_cube]

[And he blushes a little]

W-Whaaaat?! Oneechan!! That's terrible!

[latteheart.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! That face is too cute, Cube-kun!

Honestly! Why is it so bad to be spoiled? You like taking care of others, right? Isn't it fair to let others do the same for you? It means they want you to be happy.

[skybound-love.livejournal.com]

Of course. Hey, do you live with anyone?

[loyal_cube]

Yes, I have two roommates...

...

... is that not good?

[skybound-love.livejournal.com]

I just want to make sure people are looking out for you.

[loyal_cube]

There are... perhaps too many...

Honesty, I feel spoiled. Miss Alpha has given up her bed, despite how a lady shouldn't ever sleep on a couch when a bed is available, and she's making me sleep in the bedroom instead. It's been that way since I got back from the hospital... I-I mean it's nice and all but...

...

...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to complain to you, Johnny.

[skybound-love.livejournal.com]

Think nothing of it. Is your body healed up?

[Locked]

[hakai-aniki.livejournal.com]

... What about it?

[Locked]

[loyal_cube]

[he took a deep breath before asking the scary bot]

I'd like to know, for my own personal reasons...

Why did you shoot Gateau...?

[Locked]

[hakai-aniki.livejournal.com]

[Even Saburo isn't one hundred percent on why he shot Gateau. Have a long silence, Cube.]

... Why is that something you need to know?

[Locked]

[loyal_cube]

... It seems very... odd...

and not that it's my business, but he told me you two talk... or have spoken... on kinder terms than most... He could have been jerking me around... but I have a feeling he wasn't...

so...

It doesn't make sense to me why you would have done that. I appreciated it. I... I'm rather glad you were there... not just to kill him...

... I just... it's bothered me since it'd happened.

[Audio]

[bardforblood.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... still groggy. Heh, that isn't even worth a coherent reply... dog.

[Audio] (*GLARE* WHY ARE WE BOTH STILL UP?!)

[loyal_cube]

I wasn't expecting one.

[cozmic-travel.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I'm not allowed private conversations, dear.

[loyal_cube]

... I'm sorry. I just miss Sensei. Are you doing well, at least?

[cozmic-travel.livejournal.com]

As well as I can be. I am getting some much needed rest, at least.

[loyal_cube]

That's good... everyone here keeps trying to get me to do the same. [he laughs hesitantly but then is silent for a while]

When you find out... how long they're going to keep you... you'll let me know, right?